


Roses and Ropes

by WinryWeiss



Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: (Indirect) Date Invitation, Alternate Universe - Human, Ambiguous Relationships, Ambiguous Species, Canon Compliant, Domestic, Father-Daughter Relationship, Friendly banter, Human Perry the Platypus (Phineas and Ferb), Interspecies Relationship(s), M/M, Mute Perry the Platypus (Phineas and Ferb), Mute!Perry, Shipper on Deck, canon platy!Perry, human!Perry AU, not MML compliant, pick your Perry (compliant both with canon platy!Perry and human!Perry AU), pre-“Doof 101”, pre-“Last Day of Summer” (season 4 finale), pre-“O.W.C.A. Files”, supportive family, timeline: sometime during season 2 or season 3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-15
Updated: 2020-02-15
Packaged: 2021-02-27 18:28:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22740244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinryWeiss/pseuds/WinryWeiss
Summary: Heinz needs to practise for his Valentine Day scheme. Luckily his daughter could spare a moment. (And an eye-roll. Or dozen.)
Relationships: Heinz Doofenshmirtz & Perry the Platypus, Heinz Doofenshmirtz & Vanessa Doofenshmirtz, Heinz Doofenshmirtz/Perry the Platypus
Comments: 10
Kudos: 169
Collections: Perryshmirtz Valentine's Day 2020





	Roses and Ropes

**Author's Note:**

> A short fic for Perryshmirtz Valentine Challenge. And quite a challenge indeed, as I've never before attempted to write anything so purposefully Valentine themed.  
> I’m running a tad late, but _oh well_. Here it is anyway.
> 
> It’s purposefully written in a way that is compliant both with canon platy!Perry and human!Perry AU, hence why I tagged both.

“ **Valentine!** ” Doof threw his hands wide apart to strike a dramatic pose.

Vanessa groaned. “All right, dad. But only until I’ll fix my nails.” She set a black polish and a nail file on the coffee table and sat on the sofa. “Go on,” she beckoned him.

“You see, Perry the Platy…” he halted. “Could-could you pretend you are my nemesis for now?”

Vanessa laxly filed her nails. “Krt ktt kr,” she imitated leniently. Perhaps she ought to give him a plush platypus, or something like that, for the purpose of his practises.

“Thanks, honey. Now, Valentine Day! The day to celebrate the happiness of couples. But also a day when the rate of breakups literally skyrockets. Which reminds me of the time my date stood me out. Actually, several times when it happened. To put it simply, on Valentine merchants overstuff their own pockets by selling unsuspecting enamoured fools overpriced, poor quality thematic stuff. How commercial it all became. And that’s exactly what I plan to use to rule over the Tri-State Area! Somehow, the details are still sketchy. Hmmm, don’t you think that's too _weird_ , sweetie?”

“Well,” Vanessa blew softly on the fresh coat of polish, “not a _bad_ monologue, dad. I kinda like the commercialization part.”

“You do?” he perked up.

“Yeah,” she shrugged her shoulders. “But it feels oddly impersonal, _for you_.”

“ _Nnnn_ , I’ve already reworked it _three_ times!” complained her father. “I don’t usually have such a problem with ranting my heart out and revealing my deepest traumas…”

“Perhaps it’s the theme?” she suggested. “Or the fact that you are totally crushing on your nemesis,” she mumbled under her breath.

“Did you say anything, honey? No? Well, moving on. Behold!” With a dramatic flourish, he revealed a heart-shaped construction of gleaming metal pipes, red ropes and an overstuffed piece of furniture which might or might not have been previously an armchair.

She whistled, actually impressed for once. “You built a _thematic_ trap for Perry?”

“Yes!” he wiggled his arms enthusiastically.

Vanessa checked the ropes. “Dad, is this **silk**?”

“Oh, yes. Yes, it is,” admitted the wannabe evil overlord matter-of-factly.

“ _Kinky_ ,” grinned his daughter.

“Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no! _Those were on sale!_ And I just don’t want him to chafe his precious little hands!”

 _Ugh, precious little hands, **right**_. Vanessa rolled her eyes. “ _Sure, dad, whatever you say._ ” Those two need to be locked up in a tight place to work the blatant UST out of their systems. “I've got to go now, my friends are waiting. _Enjoy the thwarting_.”

“I don't like the way you said that!” objected Heinz. “Like it's some sort of _euphemism_!”

Was that a _blush_ colouring his cheeks?

Vanessa decided to rather not push further and headed out.

Only to come face to face with her dad’s nemesis, who was apparently contemplating the pros and cons of leaving an _enormous_ bouquet of red roses in front of the door.

Their eyes meet.

Teal and red, Vanessa concluded with amusement, clashes _quite horribly_.

Perry made a frantic shushing gesture at her.

“Sooo,” Vanessa grinned like a Cheshire cat, folded her arms and leaned on the doorframe, enjoying the silent demonstration of internal gay panic unfolding in front of her. “Finally making a move on dad?”

Perry's eyebrows skyrocketed. He didn’t expect to be caught red-handed by his nemesis’ daughter of all the people.

She chuckled. “Don't give up on him after the first date, you know how _weird_ those tend to get.” Vanessa cringed inwardly, was she just giving dating advice for the sake of her dad?

Perry rolled his eyes in clear _I've heard it all_ fashion. He gathered his courage to enter but was stopped by a high-pitched beeping sound. He rolled his eyes and with a habitual gesture checked his watch.

“ _We’ve misplaced the nuclear codes!_ ” Vanessa could clearly hear the plaintive tone of Major Monogram.

She stifled a chuckle.

Perry groaned and rubbed his forehead.

Vanessa took the flowers from his arms. “Oh, go on. Before Major M accidentally wipes out the whole country. I’ll deliver those for you.”

Perry smiled at her gratefully. Then he pulled out his calling card, wrote something on it and slipped it into the bouquet. He looked hesitantly at her.

Vanessa thumbed him up.

Perry huffed, a weak smile on his face. With a tip to his hat he made his exit, paragliding through the window.

_Show-off._

Arms full of the flowers, Vanessa walked back and shoved the bouquet to Heinz’ arms.

He blinked at those roses, confused beyond his usual. “Did-did you get those, honey?”

_How could he be so oblivious?_

“Nah, I’m definitely not his type,” Vanessa smirked and pulled out Perry’s calling card. She held it up so her father could recognize it.

“Oh,” Heinz said, realisation dawning. “ _Oooh_ ,” he stated again for good measure, cheeks rapidly matching the colour of the roses.

“Don't you dare to stand him out,” she admonished him with a smirk and a wink.

Her own plans could wait. Things were finally taking a turn for the better.

**Author's Note:**

> Don’t, just don’t tell me that Perry would **ever** leave the DEI building in an ordinary fashion. He has an appearance to keep. Also, IMHO, he’s very traditional, almost clichéd, in his notion of romance. Red roses? Check. Dinner in the candlelight? Check. … Well, as soon as he acquires a portable extinguisher, he’s well aware he invited a catastrophe personified.


End file.
